Heyadoo Bremerfans,Your ol' pal Keithers here. Man, I don't care what my old yard foreman says - that county lock up is one tough whip of licorice, Bremerfans.
Let me back up a couple steps for you. So picture me, ol' Keithers, trying to board a flight to KCI a couple weekends back. I had a couple meetings I'd set up with the brass from Bob Jones Shoes to do some boom mic work for their new TV spots and had courtside tickets to the big B-West matchup the following Tuesday night. Hell, I even had a lady lined up to come with me. I'm talkin' high-class pay scale too. Needless to say, I'm sitting in the Richmond airport jittery as a 14-year-old Boy Scout about to get to third base in the back of a movie theater during Short Circuit. But just as I'm about to hand my boarding pass to some girl named Chantall, up come three badges tellin' me I'm under arrest for violating my probation from a tax evasion charge from three years ago. I know! Three fucking years ago!
Well I know as well as you do it was that crab magnet Darlene who called 'em. Crazy skank has been aching to bust my balls over dumping her at Chili's where she couldn't make a big scene. Don't think I didn't plan that one down to the dessert menu. Anyway, so they tell me I gotta serve a 12-day stretch in lock up over at the county jail and I'm like, "What the hell? It was three goddamn years ago and I was going away on business." They're all giving me the "hey, if it were up to us..." thing but I wasn't buying it. The one cop I remember from a couple years ago when I whipped his ass at NTN Trivia over at Texarkana's and I know he's just been trying to find an excuse to take me down ever since.
So, long story short, I'm sitting in this concrete, piss-smelling holding cell for 12 days like I'm some kind of A-rab terrorist getting ready to have my nipples and scro-sac hooked up to a car battery and eating shit that would make hospital food look like Chef Selections and I'm thinking to myself, "I wonder what that girl I paid for did on Tuesday night?" I mean, I'd already put down the deposit (which I know I'll never see back) and she had the limo for two hours and the basketball tickets I sent down to the limo service the week before. So, here I am, haven't showered in 8 days so I smell like an old man's crotch sweat and living off what looks like canned pygmy cocks on a tray and this chick is out there getting a free limo ride and courtside tickets to THE matchup of the season! And, come to find out, Bremerton WON THE DAMN GAME! It's like I won the a-hole lottery or something!
Well, anyway, I'm out now and feelin' pretty good about the season - especially since we won sub-state last week. The reception on my Sirius is really crappy for some reason tonight so I can't pick up the game but let's hope it's another one in the bag! Hope to hear some good news tonight on SportsCenter: Rec League Edition. Until next time, Go Green & Gold and War Roddy Nation!
No comments:
Post a Comment