In accordance with FCC regulations, Bremerton Press, in conjunction with KCTV5 news, has been granted an all-access pass this week to the Paul Mitchell Investigation, including an advance copy of the Paul Mitchell Report. As the Westie faithful are undoubtedly aware, this Mitchell Report names, among others, our own Christopher F.P. "Zul" Cool as a conspirator in the "black market" of hair care and related products. Our crack squad of investigators have been working around the clock to bring you the most accurate, up-to-the-minute news in conjunction with the fallout of this report. The following represents our initial findings on the subject matter.
PART I
Sunday, January 27, 2008, a day that will live in infamy in the hearts of salon stylists and hair care enthusiasts forever. The Paul Mitchell Report was officially announced this evening and, although none of us have read a copy, its authors, Paul Mitchell (deceased) and John Paul DeJoria, have leaked several names which appear in the list. Of those names of interest, Bremerton West's starting small forward, Zul, has been identified. It is too early for comment from either camp, DeJoria's or Zul's, but based on other names listed, the outlook for Zul doesn't look good in the public eye. We're sitting here thinking, "Zul....you don't have any hair. You did just grow a beard recently, however....perhaps there is a colossal mix-up and your name will be cleared." The news day ends, and we are left to ponder the story overnight before further reporting or a B. Press official post is run.
On Monday, we break the news, right out of the shoot. We're in the office, prepping the story. A task force is being formed. KCTV5 wants to run a documentary piece in conjunction with our print coverage. Bremerton Enterprises, Inc. agrees, and a lucrative agreement is reached. Our focus shifts on procuring any reaction or press release from Zul Nation. The lone information we find representing anything remotely newsworthy is a post on the "Zul Rules the Kids" Foundation homepage, where it is announced that Zul will be inactive for Tuesday night's game due to injury. Later, an additional blip is added to the press clip, vaguely stating that Zul's name will be cleared when everything comes out. Our phone calls to his publicist aren't returned. The task force decides it will do an impromtu meet-and-greet at the Applebee's off of I-35. Potato skins and 25-oz. beers are in vogue!
Tuesday rolls in like a brick to the side of our collective heads. Spin dip and blow job shots were all the rage last night - KCTV5 gang's choice, naturally. The task force HQ has its own set up as of today. Bremerton West GM Sargent confirms Zul will not be active tonight, along with T.J. Stack, Joe Burke, and Chris Roth. Short squad and off-court controversy. This has all the makings of an after-school special, right before our eyes. We're hopeful to get something from Paul Mitchell's people today, but our hopes are dashed when it's discovered that his hair-sculpting stylists are booked until April! We'll have to go the alternate route and play the waiting game.
Overnight, KCTV5's lead newswoman gets a text message from a GoPhone that says we'll be able to access the Paul Mitchell Report before it is released to the public if we meet certain criteria in regards to our news reporting. BEI calls an emergency board meeting for 8AM Wednesday. Co-founder Zul is not present.
Fallout between the Mitchell Group and BEI lingers into the afternoon. Finally, an inside source reveals that a deal has been struck to examine the Paul Mitchell Report before public release. CEO Matthew Sargent seems elated; on second thought, perhaps he's just relieved. Either way, we're getting our advance copy Thursday at 10AM!
PART II
On the surface, the Paul Mitchell Report is a 19-page opus revealing little about the intricacies of the supposed "underground" trading of hair care and beauty products, but more so an attempt by John Paul DeJoria's camp to cash in on the chaos and confusion surrounding its allegations. Deeper investigation, however, unveils the history and make-up of the company's product line, and exactly what kind of network would have to be put into place to make the alleged atrocities to commence. Complete with visual aids and what appears to be email evidence, the report does an admirable job of reporting its facts. Whether or not those facts are are true or not remains to be seen. Several of the implicated public figure have stepped forward and claimed "foul," while just as many have painted John Paul DeJoria as a backstabbing, conceited, wannabe-hair stylist who would still be homeless had he not ridden the coattails of his mentor, Paul Mitchell.
We've run a fine-toothed comb through the Paul Mitchell Report time and time again, but we still cannot see the forest through the trees. Have the named pseudo-celebs been unceremoniously thrust into the public eye without a leg to stand on? On the flip side of the coin, none of these perpetrators have come forward with little more than verbal denials and name-calling in their defense. What this task force is searching for is cold, hard evidence to rebuke Paul Mitchell's claims. As we gather more information for our unbiased, third-party case, we undoubtedly pass it along to you, the public defense.
Bremerton Press / KCTV5 Paul Mitchell Report Task Force is an individual investment group separate of BEI or KCTV5 Holdings, LLC. Under no circumstances should either entity be held responsible for claims made by the Task Force in this publication. 2008 All rights reserved.
For questions, or how to get in touch with the Task Force, email here.
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